


Monster Under My Bed

by BonApetit



Category: Marvel, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Love/Hate, Threats, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-04-15 14:57:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonApetit/pseuds/BonApetit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love and hate relationship between Loki and his adopted sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Hell

 

 

           My days were passing through sorrow and regrets. Since I've trapped in here I couldn't breathe or think normally. My life was already planned by someone else. My family, the family I've never seen or knew left me in a temple. As they say they found me there because of my cries and irresistible pain. When they first heard my exclamation they saw a man near me. Maybe my father or someone else but I still hope that they are alive or they remember me sometimes. 

After that, they brought me to their realm and raised me like one of their citizens or, children? I don't know, I still can't see a difference between those two. Maybe I don't believe in them. I can not trust them even they raised me and maybe loved me with mercy, I can't just trust them in any way. But there is an exception and I love that exception. He's kind and he understands me in every way. He gives his time to me before his duties and responsibilities. In those and these days he was the comforts I always find by my side and his consideration is enough for me actually. But when we have fun which is rare but someone like Loki comes and spoils the mood. Every time. I really think he watches us as we speak and when we start to enjoy our company he's there to make me annoyed. I think it's one of his duties that he encumbered himself. 

It was one of those days, we sit with Thor in the Circled Garden and he was talking to me for make me feel relieved. So, he joked and I joked, then we started to walk and he gave me maybe the most precious flower in the garden. Which I thought was a little romantic. But when I'm with him I really try to not think about these kind of things. It's a friendship, nothing more and it should be nothing more. So where was I, oh, Loki came and frightened me actually. When Thor hugged me my eyes were closed so when I opened them Loki was smirking at me and he held his dagger in his hand. He came slowly and I thought he was going to kill Thor and I pushed Thor away, far away from me and tried to hold Loki's wrist but it was an illusion. Then I really got scared because Thor can be dead, at that moment. But instead of his death I saw Loki laughing and Thor was pissed but then he laughed too. It was, not, funny. Then I went to my small bedroom and cursed for like an hour. I didn't count. Of course he didn't leave me alone in my own, personal and should be private room. He was standing in front of my bed and I was cursing to him. He came closer and showed his dagger again. I didn't do anything but the dagger, it was real. Right now I'm washing the cut it made on my neck. Thank you Loki. 

"Let me see it Beatrix." Loki said from outside of the bathroom. 

"No. Just go." I said and went to him. He was a little upset but his evil smile never fades away. I still don't know why I speak with him or why I don't tell these things to anyone. I can but I should be an adult so, I can't. I must handle it. 

"Let me." He said and lifted my chin with his dagger's tip. That tip, which made me bleed. 

"Just, go Loki." I said uncomfortably and pushed him a little. Loki put his dagger to its cover and he took my hand from my neck and touched the scar. 

"It can tickle or hurt but very little, stay still." He said and focused on the scar. He was healing me with his powers. It was hurting Loki not tickling or anything less painful than this.

"Ouch!" I cried a little. Loki smiled and looked into my eyes amusingly. Okay this was very pleasant for you isn't it Loki. 

"Almost done." he said and held my arm.

"What are you doing?" I said in thrill.

"Okay I'm not planning to murder you Beatrix so sit and I can heal you properly." He said and smiled. 

"Oh okay." I said and sit on the bed. Loki crouched in front of me and we were almost at the same height so I could see him 'properly'. His hairs was distracting him and  every second he was blowing that little strings of hair. 

"What are you looking at?" He said. He scowled and blew another string from his eyesight. I was stoned actually because he had that awkward evil look on his face. I knew that face. I've seen it many many times when he rebelled like a teenager and those intense conversations with his brother, he always went out in fury. 

"I asked something Beatrix. Don't you want to answer it or you're stoned because of my charisma?" I rolled my eyes and laughed as I could.

"You're funny." I said and he pushed onto my scar.

"Okay, that's enough." I said and got up. He looked at me from the ground and got up in some kind of aggression? Was that aggression?

"So you say, 'I can bleed more'." He did somethings with his hands and then my scar started to burn. I covered it with my hand in shock and held his hand. His face started to turn blue from the edges and his eyes were like bloody red. 

"O-okay stop Loki." I said and held him from his clothing. 

"Loki." I looked into his eyes. I could feel my blood was running out and I was ready to pass out. Loki sighed and held my neck when I fell.

"Calm down Beatrix." he said and then I don't remember anything. 

 

 

 

"How could you do such a disgusting, unthoughtful, heartless, ruthless, ghastly thing?"

"Is it done brother?"

"No, no. It's not. Just tell me Loki, why?" he growled and I could hear someone's pinned harshly on the wall. 

"Oh brother, calm down." 

"Loki! This is the last action that you could've done to her! End this now!"

"Oh, very lovely Thor cares about his sister. Umm, brother are you in love with-"

"Loki!" After those words I could sense Loki was near me on the floor. I could hear his hard breathing and Thor came in seconds. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Thor who was in infinite anger.

"Thor…" I murmered. He stopped his fist and looked at me.

"Beatrix." He said in relief and held my face. 

"My lovely sister. How are you feeling?" He said and sit next to me. 

"I'm fine Thor, thank you." I smiled.

"What about me?" Loki asked and wiped the blood around his mouth. 

"Brother, you've weaken I guess. You were beating me better one year ago." and he smiled. 

"Loki please, leave." Thor said. His temper returned and he couldn't keep himself.

"Oh but I want to be sure that our sister is alrighty! "

"Loki, last call!" 

"Oh, don't make our prince angry I suppose. Now, I'm leaving. Brother, sister…" He said and bowed with his head then he left the room. As he walked I looked at him and Thor was holding my hand warmly. 

"Thank you." I said. Thor was surprised and he was sad. 

"I am, truly sorry Beatrix. I couldn't protect you I… I just, very sorry." He tilted his head and sighed. 

"No Thor. How could you know? How could  _I_ know? Please, don't feel sorry or guilty. Just the company is enough for me." I squeezed his hand and smiled.

"You are making me…" He paused and looked into my eyes. He bit his lip in guilt and he was really feeling a pain. 

"Thor, please. I can't bear to see you like this." I reached for his cheek and he held my hand. I stopped and felt awkward. But he kissed my palm and put my hand onto his cheek. I couldn't hold my hand there because I was numb by his kiss. Okay this was not a real kiss but, no. 

"Are you okay?" He leaned to me and held my hand. 

"Ye-yes. I-I am. Thanks." I buried myself into the pillow and I looked another way.

"Beatrix, don't tell me that I embarrassed you." He turned my head to him and smiled. 

"No. Not really." I said.

"Well then. Do you want to tell me how did this happen?" 

"Oh." I waited and closed my eyes before I tell him.

"Okay." I was ready to tell it then he hugged me gently.

"I was joking. I cannot expect you to remember this. Do you want me to keep an eye on you today?" Suddenly he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I can stay there." He pointed the floor. I laughed and said,

"Seriously? Prince is going to lay there? Thor please, this is enough for me." 

"What if I say I want to?"

"No. It's inappropriate and you are a prince."

"So you mean, it's inappropriate because we are man and woman?"

"Yeah." I said quietly. 

"But we're siblings."

"And this makes it more complicated." I said. 

"Beatrix you are funny sister. This is our home, no one can say anything about that. If they say," he extended his hand into the air and Mjölnir came.

"I can hammer them."

"You can hammer them?"

"Yes very well I can hammer things." He said.

"Like, Loki?" I asked in regret.

"I've never you know… beat him. Like he said." He left his hammer onto the bed and the weight of that thing was amazingly huge.

"I didn't mean that. If he comes here you can." then I covered my mouth.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt anyone unless they try to hurt you. I can't hammer someone for coming here to see you."

"Of course." I said and smiled. Then he leaned a little more and looked at my scar. 

"It's healing faster. Actually you ran out of blood so this kept it heal longer." Then he touch with his fingertips gently. He leaned again but more. He kissed the scar and then kissed my forehead. 

"I'll be here." He said and got up. 

"Thor." He turned to me and leaned.

"Yes?"

"Please go to your room. No harm will come to me I can say." I said and looked at the door.

"Oh, are you really sure?"

"Yes I am. Do me a favor."

"If you say so…" He kissed my forehead again and slowly went to the door. 

"Are you sure?" He said twice while he was going.

"I am." I said and smiled to convince him. 


	2. Lullaby

Cold weather was ripping all of my body and sooner my body will be burned by it. I tried to protect myself from the wind which bruised me like a sharp knife. Why was I walking anyway? I don't know. If I keep on walking I would be dead in a minute. I lay down on the ground and suddenly snow surrounded me like a plague. I was completely motionless even if I tried I could face another stack of snow. I started to sleep in cold. I wouldn't experience my death like this. First I was itching but then I got numb. All I could feel was the sound of my breaths. Then, it was gone too, with a warm feeling on my lips.

"Thor…" I started to wander in my head. Then slightly opened my eyes and saw Loki next to me. He took his hand off from my mouth and wiped the sweat from my face with a towel. I could sense a disappointment from his face but he was still wiping my face until it was dry. He left the towel onto stand and got up from the bed. I held his hand unconsciously. He turned to me and looked at me with the corner of his eye.

"Are you real?" I asked and he took his hand harshly from mine. He put his hands on the bed, around my shoulders and put his legs near mine. I was looking at him from the bottom and he was seeking something from top. Maybe something I say will make him pleased but in this situation I preferred not to say anything. But still, he was angry like he wanted revenge from me. He suddenly came closer but with an hesitation. He wanted to do something but he was not sure. His eyes were innocent but it was Loki, not a normal God. I got a little lost in his eyes for a moment but then I looked at him questionably. He backed a little but then he kept that close distance between us again. Then in every second he was coming closer to my face. I could feel a disturbing annoying feel in my body but I wanted to see what he was planning now. At last he stopped and the tip of his upper lip touched mine. I squeezed mine and looked at him. He backed of rapidly that in seconds he was out of my bed standing in thrill. He turned blue. I felt the coldness came from his body and got into the sheets fully. The thrill was placed by anger again. But his anger was surrounded by fear. He paced with a courageous fear to my bed again. My sheets were freezing with his touch and I was terrified. He did come closer again and I could smother in his cold breath. Then his eyes turned into green and his lips turned into their normal blooded red. It was like magic he was doing. Amazing in a way but also strange and unusual. But… In a good way. He looked down in some regret and he looked at me again. Came just a very little closer and closed his eyes. Suddenly his face started to turn in its usual Loki form. He opened his eyes filled with tear but it was not falling from his eye. Maybe he was something that I couldn't understand. Do I pity him? No, no I really don't. It's not that. It's… sympathy. I could feel my eyes were like his, filled with tears. I tilted my head and held his frozen body. It shocked like a lighting bite and Loki pulled himself back.

"No!" He screamed. I looked at my hands and arms, it was just a little burn, healers can handle this I thought. I tried to reach him but he was holding to the pillar of my bed in fear. I straightened up and stood on my left hand to touch his face. It was still blue and icy cold.

"No!" Loki said.

"I can't control it. Stop it." He said and tried to move but I held him from his belly. I laid my head onto it and it was like a cold, breathing stone. His breaths deepened like he was choking. I looked up to him and his fear fell down from his eyes. It turned into ice and I smiled. I faced him and smiled again. Reached to his hand but didn't hold it. I left my hand so close to his and looked at him to the same maybe. He looked at our hands in regret and tried to turn into his old self, Loki. Not the Loki I sympathized. I was watching him as he tried and with my left hand I slowly reached his face and touched him. It was not that cold. Maybe his cheeks flushed I thought and giggled inside. But I felt combustion in my palm. I looked into his red eyes. He reached for my arm to pull my hand but he couldn't. 

"Take it off." He sounded concerned. He could move his face but he was not moving. It started to burn really and I took my hand off. One of his tears fell again and he paced back. It seemed he wanted to leave and I reached for him. Held him from his collar and pulled him closer to me accidentally. Then I released his collar and himself but I said,

"Don't go." It sounded like 'Why you came here?' . He turned into his self and stood in anger again. What was that? Why was he always changing? What was that anger? 

"Are you angry with me Loki?" I asked and got out of bed to face him properly. He did the same as I and held my neck.

"It's healed I guess." He said and smiled mischievously. But then he extended his hand to touch my face. Suddenly his face fell with the sound of footsteps and his hand fell. It was Thor at the doorstep and he came. I looked at Loki, he was gone. Thor was smiling as always and hugged me. He cut my feet off the ground and I was trying to keep balance.

"My beautiful sister. I'm very glad you're fine." He said and put me on the ground again.

"Where did Loki go?" I asked out of my will and interest but Thor was shocked by my comment.

"Oh, I haven't seen him for a while. After our little fight." He said and looked at me.

"Are you concerned about him?" Then he lifted my chin to make an eye contact with me. I was a little distracted by his touch but he was my brother in law, there was no law actually in here.

"No, I just…" I said and looked at a silhouette near my door. It was Loki or one his clones. 

"So why did you ask for him then?"

"I just, it's…" I couldn't talk because of Loki. He was standing there arrogantly and he wanted me to say something about him. It was obvious.

"Okay then. If you want to say you say, but if you don't want I can't force you for that." He said and held my hand.

"Now we are going to the garden for fresh air as your brother commands." He said and I thought Loki said it for a moment but he was talking about himself. I looked at the door and he was gone again. Thor and I left the room and we talked to Frigga and Odin at the corridor. I saw Loki there too and I started to feel anxious for some reason. What was he doing? Then Thor distracted me with his hand waving and I woke up.

"Are you okay? You are doing this twice and I'm a little worried. "He said. 

"No. I mean I'm okay, not to worry." I said and smiled. He looked at me deeply and held my hand without any words then pulled me into his chambers. 

"What is it?" I said shockingly. Thor left my hand and kissed me from my forehead like he did before. He was holding my face with his broad hands and he touched his forehead to mine.

"I'm sorry Beatrix. I shouldn't let him do this." He said and separated his head from hers. 

"We've talked about it yesterday and I think we're agreed that there are no problems left." I said but I was flashing and my heart was racing.

"Actually, it's been a week."

"Huh?" I said in blankness. 

"Yes you did sleep for a week. We thought you were, you know… We thought he did that magic… the magic he've been working on for years."

"What magic?" I asked in confusion and also curiosity. 

"The magic don't you know? Ah… It's one of the most powerful magics in history. And it's making someone fall asleep for ages and ages but it takes too much effort, energy and courage to do. And I'm sure Loki has non-"

"No. I mean…" I was burying myself with my words.

"I mean he is… like… the most coward one in this universe." Thor laughed and looked at me oddly.

"Do you really think in this way?" He asked seriously.

"I do." I said but my words were cut in between with some hesitation.

"I think Loki paid his visit to you and you became fond of him." This was very very clever for Thor to think. Wait...

"Loki." I said and looked into Thor's eye. The smirk on his face revealed himself and I was shocked.

"This was the face that I wanted to see!" Loki said and amused by my expression. 

"But you're very clever." He said and patted my head.

"You are stupid." I said and opened the door.

"Oh, where are you going? We have some unfinished business, am I right?"

"What!?" I said in disgust. 

"I didn't mean that Beatrix. You're very nasty!" He said and paced back. 

"What do you mean then?" I said and closed the door. 

"I meant, that moment… this morning we had…"

"What?"

"Just please sit okay? I can't express myself fully." He said and locked the door.

"What's that now?" I looked at him. Tried to take the key but there was none. His magical skills were better than I thought. 

"Please sit." He said and showed his bed. 

"Oh, I'm not going to sit there pervert. What was that this morning really? Just say it and leave me." I said in anger.

"Oh calm down sister. Just sit and I will get us some refreshing beverages. Okay?" 

"Not okay." I said annoyingly.

"Okay then!" He said and pushed me onto his bed. With his magic he wrapped me in his sheets like I'm some sort of a silkworm. 

"I talk, you listen." he said and paused when he was going to continue,

"And if you talk, I'll wrap your tongue too unwillingly." He said and sit next to me. 

"Now. Let me explain you why I acted vicious. First, I have problems with my other self and you saw it too. But when you pitied me I thought that you understood me but I realized that you, really, pitied me. I'm right from here. But there's one thing I couldn't understand." He said and came closer. He was serious with his words and actions.

"Why, did you, touched me and left you hand upon my monstrously face?" He was angry again. Now I got his reason for this anger.

"Why!" He screamed harshly to my face.

"Talk!" He said and I couldn't make him believe that I sympathized him. He wouldn't believe and that will cause another brutal scene.

"You're right." I said and moved my head reverse. 

"Oh, you can't tell." He released me and turned his back to me. His head was sitting on his hands in depression. I wanted to comfort him but no. I couldn't. I waited for him to say something more but he was standing still. Then I came next to him and touched his hand gently to remove it from his head.

"Leave me alone." He said calmly. 

"Loki I want to tell you the real re-"

"Leave me, alone!" He yelled.

"Loki!"

"Just leave me you whore!" He pinned me onto his bed with his arm from my throat.

"I, I can't." I said and smiled. He slowly released his arm but he was cautious for, what? I can not understand him. I sit again and looked at him. His eyes were analyzing me and waiting for me to say it.

"I didn't pity you or anything like that Loki. I saw another Loki in you. This is the truth and-" Loki cut me off but I continued.

"And, I know you won't believe in me but I, really, sympathized for some moment there. I thought this is Loki and he can be something more than  **this** Loki."

"Oh, thank you for your commentary but please, leave me alone." He said and unlocked the door then he opened it with his magic. 

"Loki, I don't want to leave you." I said then I realized it was more than I meant and he was badly surprised by it. I wanted to explain but I didn't want at the same time. I was not feeling in the other way but not just in this way too. He came closer to me again and again,

"Are you, kidding me? I said, leave me. And if you try my patience again, there will be a perdurable scar on your body." He said. 

"You can't scare me Loki." I said and came closer like he did.

"You can't say what I can do or I can't. You're not my anything close." I said and got up. I reached the doorstep and paced forward. Suddenly his hand pulled me in once more and dragged me to the other room of his chamber. 

"This!" He yelled,

"This is the place!" Then he threw me onto cold marble ground. It was also very dark green like he wore all the time. In this room it seemed like his entire life was there. Potions, tons of books and uncountable devices were everywhere. Then, there was a large mirror covered with a gold velvet fabric. He pulled the fabric and stood before it. 

"Can you see it?" He said and laughed sarcastically. I tried to get up and lurched behind him. It was his Jötun self. You could see his past, future and now. Suddenly a crown appeared on my head.

I was wearing a crown. Why was I wearing a crown? Then he looked at me in thrill. His mouth fell open in astonishment.

"You are…" He said fadingly. He held my head in shock and panic. 

"How? HOW!" He screamed the last word. 

"What?" I said and tried to pull his hands off from my face. He looked at me and suddenly pulled his dagger and stabbed me from my shoulder. 


	3. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again and thank you for reading. So this is like a sub story for all of the story and I hope you'll like it as much as I tried to express those thoughts and feelings.   
> Enjoy.

Uncountable stars and souls passed between my vision and I saw myself in Loki's eyes. In anger it turned all bloody red and it was softening in seconds. Deep in his eyes there was more than anger. He was looking like a wild animal with those teeth and growls. His pain was beyond his fury and anger. He was jealousy and a disappointment was settling his temper. Vicious threatens were not making me feel any worried or warned. I could sense he was harmless but needs a protection. He was more than Ive ever know and think from now. He was as fragile as me, maybe even more. He was indeed in a need of sympathy or love. He was not uncaring or just evil. He was experiencing himself now. He was not like me or Thor, or anyone. He couldn't build his past. The past he thought that he deserved and the past that will direct his future, the right of throne or universe. In his eyes fury turned into fear and darkness was thrilled by his worries. He could not make his kind and actions of course. He was hurting without his will. He needed to do this one way or another but he was feeling a great pain and regret. He was sorry but still arrogant. He was pleasing for some attention from anyone. He was hopeless but he keeps dreaming. From that day he discovered the truth and the day he realized his whole life was a huge lie, he stopped being somethings. He lived like this for hundred years in some story made by Odin and he felt that lie, that lie made him a liar, trickster and a murderer. But still, he wishes he never knew the truth about himself. He always adored lies when he was young and he held on some lies he created. This was one of them. But now he was holding onto his reality, the monster behind this man was more strict and opposite than the man under the covers. His motives were ordinary in order to get revenge. But from who?

All I could feel was his heartache and the pain that overflows. He suddenly turned to himself and stepped back. Looked at me with his wide eyes. He covered his mouth and his guilt was making him fall into tears. I was still standing with the dagger in my shoulder. But there was an odd thing like I couldn't feel any pain. Then I started to ask myself, Why did he do this?

What have he seen?

What was that crown?

Am I going to be a queen or make his inexistent throne never will be his?

Too much to think. I couldn't handle his pain and the eyes wait for my forgiveness. I just slowly slithered from the wall and fell onto the floor. The vision I saw was his wonder face and those tears never stopped from falling his eyes.

"Hey, please. Stay awake. Beatrix. Look into my eyes. Please. I'm… I'm so sorry Beatrix. Please…" He said while he was keeping me away with little shakes to my body. He reached the dagger but did not hold it. He hesitated. Looked at me into my eyes in order to get approved by me. I blinked twice and he pulled the dagger out of my shoulder. There was another plenty of blood I could not see but I could feel the motion that drew all my energy from me. His hands were covering my shoulder and he was whispering between his hiccups. I've never seen or heard him before like this. Yes he was sorry, it was obvious even for a dummy. But I was feeling some trick again. I couldn't feel any pain. I couldn't set my mind. Is this normal? Or even close to normal I know? 

"Shit! This needs a healer's help." He grabbed me and enfolded me. I tried to look at my right but I couldn't make it. I wanted to see what was happening really but my body fell into a sleep. 

 

 

 

Good mornings never came to my side and I had lost my hope long time ago. After that day I saw another Loki again. Every time we were facing some extensive death scene and I was always near to death. But today I was going to learn something about myself. It was harsh and surprising but not like the truth Loki had discovered. 

My shoulder was like never stabbed before and I was feeling even better. But the oddness was, I've never seen Loki since that day and I didn't count the days so I did not know which day is it. But without Loki I had almost a week, which was so hard to bear because he was always somewhere to kill me or hurt me I can say after 'that truth' I learned. He can come up with another brutal instrument and kill me immediately but turns out that I can not be killed. 

Yes, this is the truth about me but of course there is more. So If I need to explain it in an easy way, I'm a half Vanr which is very very important in this realm and other realms. I'm a Vanahemir and my parents are still unknown. But I think they know the truth. I mean Odin and Frigga. Besides they're always covering up somethings. Especially for their adopted children. 

Yes I hqd a sympathy for Loki but this was not about our similar condition. It was about him. The way he feels and he thinks I understood him but now, I feel close to him because of the truths and lies been told us. I still think all this was an illusion but It's far more than that. So, I can do somethings that I can't describe or understand. I was doing since my childhood or for hundred years. I couldn't understand that I was a Vanr or an important Goddess? I really can not make my mind up so this… that crown actually… it was telling more to Loki because he was expecting something from me. He knew it. Because this his actions were brutal against me. Though he never did these to Thor or anyone I'd like to say but I can't forget that day he tricked Höðr to kill his brother Baldr. Then the truth revealed it self  to late and H **ö** ðr was already dead. I always thought Loki had never forgive or forget. This was all Odin's fault can I say? I'm sorry but I can't feel any sympathy for Odin. His lies beyond himself and his powers. He's just the ruler of Asgard. He slept with giantesses and he fought and then killed every nation from every realms. For what? Act of war? Act of revelation? What was the purpose of taking me and Loki? As he said it was all about a peace engagement between Jotunns and Asgardians which was just a small dust of the big storm. There was a greediness in him. I saw it many many times. Just for this, I can understand Loki or anyone who doesn't like Odin or his ridiculous rule. This is not his world or his realm. This is our but not his. 

What was that? Why was I suddenly thinking like this? 

Loki are you in my mind? 

 

 

Just a splash of water made me feel like I'm lost and found at the same time. I saw Loki washing my face and my body. What was happening? Is it another vision or I was looking at the ceiling and thinking about revenge, was that the illusion? Revenge…

I've never thought about it before. I did not have the heart and the energy for that. It was suffocating and exhausting. Why would I want a revenge? I can't. My rage… It's not mine. I was not feeling like myself. He was directing me again? 

But why are we in some cave and why was he bathing me? Why? How could I speak with him? I couldn't. For some reason, I couldn't speak with him or wanted to speak. Why? I don't want to learn? Learn the truth? I don't want to think or speak about truths or actual things happening around me. I just wanted watch and sit and cry and then maybe I can become myself again. But no… Crying? No, no… It was another source of power absorption. 

Now, he was hurrying from the beginning, trying not to look at my side but when he washed my face he was looking in fear, being threatened and in worry. He was like being chased or maybe he was at the end of his life. 

Well, he was whispering and murmuring somethings which I cannot understand. He was insane. His mind blew away and he was pitying himself?

Why? He was Loki. He was the god of fire, fury, rage, revenge? 

Why? Please tell me Loki. What happened that I missed so abruptly? 

Tell me…

Suddenly he looked at me like he heard my thoughts and grabbed me then pulled me out of the lake. He was holding something in his hand which very very shiny. Then he covered me with his cape and dried my hair. He was still in that mood. That curiosity never left him. But it was not a good one. I could see that thing was fretting him. But I was not sorry for him at the same time because what was happening actually? This question never left my mind and that curiosity never left him. 

He disrobed and left all his clothes near me to protect them. I could see his simplified mere body. He got in quickly and buried himself under water. Minutes passed maybe he did not come out. After another few minutes he came with a huge sound of being out of breath then he sucked all the air around him. His chest was up and down, his eyes closed but still he was acting like his eyes were open. He did not bother  to look at me and then he pierced my eyes with his strong, old, evil and furious looks. While he was taking his clothes he was still looking directly into my eyes. He was trying to communicate with me in that way I thought. He was successful and he did. I felt that. That…

The thing…

I've never had before. I've went by it but never ever felt it before. But I knew, it was it. It was that…

that…

precious feeling.

Maybe the most precious of them all…

I felt trust. 

I felt trust in his words.

In his eyes I could see he was not lying.

He was not like a foe I've known before and he was sorry again. 

 

Then the he left from my eyes and my mind then my heart. But his mark always stayed with me. In my heart which was really fragile but at the same time it was really strong…

I did not, I did never wanted to let him in.

But with this…

The trust the pureness of this feeling grabbed me and never ever left me into darkness again. I felt I was not alone.

Yes, maybe he was betrayed like me or I was betrayed like him but, no… He was giving me some reliance. He was certain. I was certain. We were for the first time like we known each other before all of this and before this world. 

Life…

This thing…

The existence…

 

It was deep. I was falling. But I was falling with him. With his words, unspoken words. Those words just blinked in our minds and never reached anyone but us. 

 


	4. Beginning

The feeling was hugging me deeply and the warmth of it was forgetting who we were and who was he mostly. The God I knew was far more different now and he was not even bother to play. His silence and the thoughts in his mind making him seem more grown and reliable. But what was he struggling? In his infinitive mind, what was he thinking? And what happened that we are here? What happened that I am all naked and he's carrying me in his arms all the road? 

 

But why we were not talking? 

I was not talking because he was serious and I was a little afraid when I saw his face. He was like bearing a very heavy weight on his shoulders that even he can't confess himself. Suddenly his knees gave up and we both fell onto the cold ground. He covered me for precaution and we stopped at the same time. He slowly lifted his head to look at me. He was exhausted and he was getting more colder. But his hair were wet. No, not because of the bath… It's been hours since then. He was sweating and his hands were trembling. He was trying to hold onto those grasses and his eyes shot themselves for surrender and he fell onto me. I held his head gently and looked at his tired sleepy face. He was not like he was before, which was concerning me more. I didn't want to like him. After all of those things, I should be hating him now. He was hurting me more and more and this… This was the worst of them all. Is this his purpose? Making me love him and then he'll leave me all alone in that lonely darkness I've been dealing very well before him. Or am I pitying him? His loneliness and his pain… His lies and his unpredictable acts? The sorrow went too far that he hurt everyone around him. He caused lots of crimes of his brothers. He killed other Gods and humans. But nobody asked why. Everybody thought that they know. They thought that this was all about throne his true identity. But now I see, it was not. It's not. In his closed eyes I could still see how he is. He is not the bad one. The acts were evil, yes. But he was not really wanting these to happen at last. Then he moaned and held his head. He was looking like he expected me to speak. But I was lost at his eyesight and couldn't take my eyes off of him. I was still lying on the ground and he was looking at me from the top in a little confusion. Then he got up and looked around to be sure that we are safe or unseen. He reached my hand, pulled me strongly to himself and I was standing up clutched on his chest and he held me tight for seconds before we apart. What was it? This is not just trust. Somethings were coming on the way and it was blocking the trust. Not in a bad way but it was confusing enough to forgive him after all. Because he was somewhat sincere. 

 

The silence was growing more in time and I was curious enough to ask him what happened. But couldn't dare to ask. His motions were more confused than mine and he deserved to explain it to me later. I did not know where were we and it was really cold. I was a little shocked that he was not giving me his coat. It is not like I really expected it so selfishly but the things between us were ignited by him and he was the one who's going to quench it. I was not really complaining and I was hopelessly magnetized by him. He was drifting me away with him but I was not complaining like I said. Actually, I didn't want to go back to Asgard or anywhere. Anywhere without him…

What was I saying? I held my mouth out of my will and he looked at me angrily. What did I say? He paced to me fast and harshly grabbed me and we ran somewhere. I couldn't see because it was already got dark and there was no light around. Not even a star. Where were we? In my dream? I looked at him but he held me onto his chest and I leaned back on it. His arm was wrapped around my neck and his hand was on my chest. I was breathing fast and tried to calm because he was really hurting me with his touch. But I couldn't keep myself thinking of him. 

"Hush." He said and looked at me. He seemed caring and worried. I did as he said and closed my eyes as his hand fell under my chest and I gulped. 

"Hush now." He whispered into my ear and exhaled onto my neck. I gulped again while I kept my eyes shut and he noticed where his hand was and placed it near my throat. Then I heard some men speak in a different language. After a few minutes they were gone, while Loki tried to keep his hands away from my chest. When they were gone we thought, he released me and did not look at me. He stepped forward and then came back.

"There's no one." He said. But he barely looked.

"How do you-"

"I'm also a trickster." He said and held my hand. We stepped out of a tree cavity I figured out later and he was keeping his paces calm and leery. That place was a nice place to pass the night but he kept on walking even at night, so do I. 

At last I saw a light far from the place we were. It was not like a star but a light of a star I guess. I turned to him to ask it but he was already asleep. We were sleeping in the mornings and walking at nights. We barely ate and barely talked. Where were we going?

I asked him when we both wanted to stop and ready to give up but still, we kept on walking. That night was more colder than the other nights we walked and he was very hot. He had a fever for two days but he was not accepting it. He kept telling that he's fine. He was fine for an almost dead God but why was he like this? Then I asked him where we were going several times. At last he answered.

"I don't know." The least answer I expected came from him and I couldn't know what to say. Then he stopped and looked around. 

"There's a cave there." He said and walked over there. He took a look in that cave and told me to come. I came and he stopped me when I stepped inside. 

"Wait…" He said quietly. He held me from my shoulders and looked back with his head. I didn't move until he said. But he didn't say anything. Suddenly he turned to me and tilted his head. He came closer to kiss me from my cheek. But his body was betraying him every second that he came more closer. 

"Loki…" I said and he opened his eyes. Then he pushed himself in shock and looked at his hands. Then he looked at me but I was not as shocked as he was. I stepped forward and extended my hand as his skin turned into its normal shades. He was hating himself a little and he could not find the courage to hold my hand at first. But then he slowly grid to reach my hand like an innocent child. His fear was actually unnecessary but it was also as necessary as its unnecessary. When he gave his hand to me I held it with my other hand too and looked at his messed expression. Then he held my hand and pulled me into the cave. It was very dark but at least it was not cold like outside. As I looked inside he placed him somewhere far from me absurdly and I sit near him because of this. 

"It is cold." I said to soften the silence that kept us uncomfortable for days. He turned his head and stopped. Then I turned to him and tried to figure out where he really was, because I couldn't see in the darkness well like he can. Then I felt his hand on my cheek and it went further, slowly, reached to my ear and he wiped my hair away from my face. I did not want him to stop touching me even like this and he did as I wanted. His finger tips danced on my cheek again and he stopped when he softly reached to my lips. It stood there for a while and I thought it was like infinity. But it ended with his cough and he held himself back. I turned my hand in emptiness and he gulped. It was that much silent. Then he cleared his throat quietly and said,

"We should snuggle." He said but he did not attempt to hug me. I was not really questioning it even I noticed that this was unusual. 

"It's really cold like you said." He continued.

"Because of that, we can sleep close to each other." He said and his voice faded. Suddenly he got up and laid on the ground.

"Are you coming?" He asked and I got up when he said that like I was waiting for his call. What was I thinking that I was so close to him. If I wanted to kiss him now, I could do it without his will and… I couldn't. 

"You are obeying." He said between my thoughts and held me more close to his torso. He was also like me. Worried and feared. But how could I be so sure about it? Then I started to look at him but I did not know that I was looking at the right point. He hummed and I closed his eyes, I thought. There, silence came back and I closed my eyes when I sensed its appearance. 

"Come to me." Strange voice echoed in my ears. I blinked several times to concentrate myself into voice and when I realized its source it disappeared on my lips. It was very hot compared to the cold that surrounded us and he sealed his lips onto mine. It was like nothing I have known and it was not like from him when I thought about him. But still, I couldn't keep myself away from his lips. It was not as cold as his true self and he was passionate for the first time. I could not imagine this kind of strange and sting passion from a man like this. An unknown ore that kept so long to discover and taste it. It kept me so long to realize the reality and it took me away from my thoughts and everything I know. It dragged me into his enchanting magnificent shores unknowingly. Maybe this was the reflection of his invisible hidden side of loving someone. But still, it was frightening. 


	5. Hide and Seek

 

      Meanwhile in Vanaheim.

 

"Search everywhere! And do not come until you find them!" Thor said.

"Thor please, they are all exhausted and you are swinging like your hammer. We should rest this night." Lady Sif said to Thor.

"I'm sure they would tell if their thoughts are as same as yours Lady Sif. You rest and we'll search, done?" Thor said with a pissed sound and rose his hammer to search around again. Lady Sif sighed and went toward Fandral. He was cursing on some plants and cutting them with disgust.

"Fandral, keep yourself away from those plants please." Lady Sif said and took his sword. He rose his eyebrows and moved forward to take his sword back but Lady Sif moved faster.

"Come- oon Sif! Give me my sword!" Fandral and Lady Sif started to play ironically and then Volstagg came very tired and left himself onto the ground.

"Nothing! Where the hell Loki took her? Is she even alive?" Volstagg asked to himself and then looked at them.

"Hey guys, stop doing this. We are searching for a princess and a crazy asshole." They stopped and looked at Volstagg with disbelief. Then Lady Sif threw the sword to Fandral and sit next to Volstagg.

"I did not know that you were worried more than even Thor. Am I right Fandral?" Fandral kept himself away from his sword and unknowingly agreed with her.

"You see Volstagg. Come on, rest and-"

"Sif, why are you being so peaceful about this situation?" Volstagg asked and Lady Sif stopped in a little shock.

"Umm… For the truth, I can't see a way out of this situation and I'm sure Loki did not kill her. He is not that-"

"Now you are protecting Loki?" Volstagg got up and found himself another place to lay down. Lady Sif sighed in trouble and went to him.

"That is not what I meant of course but he is not an easy God to-"

"Okay Sif, you don't have to explain it to me."

"Oh, okay then Volstagg…" said Lady Sif and got up. She wondered around and when the sun has set she found a cave to rest in. She was tired of searching for nothing and she kept worrying about Thor all night. Thor was searching for five hours now and he began to think that they were in Asgard nor Vanaheim. He thought about what Lady Sif said and sighed in trouble.

"Not in that giant land…" He said to himself and sit on the ground with his hammer. For what reason Loki took Beatrix with him, he thought and hit his head to the tree.

"WHY?" He screamed and his voice echoed in the forest. He spent his night on top of a tree and when the sun came out he went immediately to others.

"Good morning everyone!" He yelled and everyone woke up accept Fandral. Lady Sif hit him with her hand and he took his sword and he said,

"Surrender!"

"I'm sure no one would surrender to you Fandral." Lady Sif said.

"There's no time for jokes. We should search other realms. I'm going to Jotunheim. Lady Sif and Volstagg you choose your realm. Where is Hogun?" Thor asked. No one seen him from yesterday morning. None of them said anything about it and Thor sighed in anger.

"Where the hell is Hogun? Haven't you seen him?" Thor said again and nobody talked.

"Oh so you don't know where he is? Are you somewhat fool or you are not loyal to your friend?" Thor said to Lady Sif and other two warriors. Fandral put his sword into its case and walked forward.

"Thor, we are not the only one. You, also did not think or worry about Hogun. What is your problem by the way? Yes, Beatrix is with Loki but this does not mean that she is in danger or this does not give a right for you to yell at people. You are not the-"

"Shut up!" Thor yelled and closed his eyes.

"I know Fandral… It is all my fault. I know it very well." He sighed and walked away. Lady Sif patted Fandral's shoulder and smiled at him to cheer him up. Then Volstagg came and coughed.

"Erm… Shall we go to-"

"Midgard!" Lady Sif said. Volstagg opened his eyes and looked at Thor. He stopped walking and turned to Lady Sif.

"Midgard?" he asked.

"Yes, Thor, Midgard… Is there any problem with it?" Lady Sif said with confidence.

"Uh, no, not really… Just…" Thor was troubled and squeezing his fist. Lady Sif noticed this and turned to Volstagg.

"Unless Volstagg has another place to offer." She said and make a deep eye contact with Volstagg to speak.

"Uh! I have a better place actually, which is nearer than Midgard. It is…" He stopped because after Asgard and Vanaheim all places were more dangerous to search for someone.

"Yes?" Thor said.

"Svartalfheim." Thor coughed and walked to Volstagg.

"Are you out of your mind? Before Svartalfheim you should search Alfheim. It's nearer and safer." He said. He was tense and he could not manage his anger.

"Yes Thor but there is no way that light elves could not recognize Loki and so, Loki cannot got in to elf land. You know how districted their rules are." Lady Sif said.

"He can change his appearance as you know Lady Sif. Tell me, what is your problem? Are you happy that they are lost? Or is there other thing?" Thor said angrily. Lady Sif was shocked and turned his back then got his gears.

"Don't turn your back at me Sif! Even you can't tell yourself that you are very glad about it. Do not lie to me!" Thor said and walked toward her.

"Look at me!" He grabbed Lady Sif's arm and turned her to himself. Lady Sif was calm and looking into his eyes.

"What is it? Why are you like this?" Thor said in disgust. Lady Sif took back her arm and walked. "Sif!" Thor yelled again and walked behind her. Fandral was watching them like he was watching a film. Then Volstagg sit next to him.

"Is it amusing Fandy?"

"Oh for the sake of eleven rivers! You scared me Vols."

"Vols? Ey, my name's not Vols."

"Nor mine is Fandy."

"Uh, okay. Fandral…"

"Better Volsy." Volstagg shut his eyes in annoyance and gulped. "That's it Fandy." he said and watched Lady Sif and Thor as they fight.

"Hey Sif! Tell me." Thor said and grabbed her again.

"We are friends right? What is it? I want to help." Thor said. Sif was trying to got out of Thor's arms but Thor kept her more tight.

"Until you tell me what it is, you are staying like this." He said. He was calm at last.

"It's nothing Thor. I'm keeping myself away from unnecessary worries." She said and gulped.

"Oh, no… Perhaps you have a feeling for Loki?" Thor released her.

"Wh-what? That worm? Thor have you lost your mind? How can you think such a nonsense thing like this?" 

"So what is it then? You are like this because Beatrix is lost?" 

"Uh! Don't be ridiculous Thor! Just stop asking me what is it. I'm fine and I will find them okay?" She yelled at last.

"Wow! Calm down Sif. I was joking."

"It doesn't seem like a joke Thor. You annoy me right now and I can see that you are happy with this from your face." She pointed her finger to Thor's face and then went to Volstagg. Thor smiled himself and said 'yes' after Lady Sif left. 

"GUYS! I found something!" a voice said from far. Thor looked at the way it came and felt a sudden smile upon his face.

"Hogun!" He said and ran to him. Hogun was also running and when he saw Thor he stopped in hesitation.

"Wh-wha-" He mumbled and Thor crushed him with a hug. 

"Hogun you are here! Where the hell have you been?" Thor said while hugging. 

"Uh Thor… suffocating… Thor please… Thor!" 

"Sorry." He said and stopped hugging him. Hogun coughed several times and opened his hand. There was a dagger in his hand but a very small one.

"Is it Loki's?" Hogun asked but he knew it was. Thor stopped smiling and looked at the dagger.

"I think it is. But I didn't know he had another toys like this. Whatever. Where you found it?" 

"I can't describe it but it is far from here. We'll need to ride." Hogun said and put the dagger in his belt.

"Okay I'll get them. By the way, I want to search every realm until we'll find them okay?" Thor said while going to horses.

"Okay but I should eat something first." Hogun said running behind him. 

 


End file.
